Thursday, October 2, 2003


I hate dumbfucks because...
They beat up the passenger side of my car with a baseball bat for no apparent reason.
They cut me off on the interstate during rush hour traffic.
They make a point of telling me when I have a huge zit on the middle of my face.
They treat me differently just because I can't afford to live on campus.
They call me names and try to play it off as "Signs of affection."
They don't answer their phones or return my calls for days at a time.
They hassle me about my bad habits.
They charge way too much for nasty fast food.

Dumbfucks are just....fucking dumb.

Lisa | 12:44 PM



My dad made me cry at dinner tonight. Not on purpose, mind you. It was because of these two stories:

#1. A nine-year-old boy was caught stealing cookies in his parents' home. As a punishment, his parents wrapped him up from head to toe in duct tape. He looked like a mummy, except for a small opening around the nose for him to breathe. Then they made him lie in his bed all night long while they went out and the babysitter watched tv downstairs. The boy ended up vomiting and died.

#2. A father was punishing his three-year-old daughter for wetting the bed. He forced her to stand naked on a bucket with her arms in the air for 20 hours. Every time she fell off the bucket, he would hit her with a stick. After 20 hours of torture, she finally fell down to the ground, where her father beat her to death with the stick.

I hate the world.

Lisa | 7:27 PM



You are an Intrapersonal thinker...

Intrapersonal thinkers:
  • Spend a lot of time thinking about and trying to understand themselves
  • Reflect on their thoughts and moods, and work to improve them
  • You understand how your behaviour affects your relationships with others

    Other Intrapersonal thinkers include:
    Sigmund Freud, Gandhi, Grahame Greene

    Careers which suit Intrapersonal Thinkers include:
    Psychologist, Teacher, Pilot, Child care worker, Explorer, Drama therapist

    What kind of thinker are you?

    Lisa | 8:02 PM



    I started my period yesterday. While it ensures another month of a fruitless womb, it also torments me with cramps and bloating and mood swings. It hasn't gotten too bad yet, and luckily I have a weekend of rest ahead of me. With the exception of homecoming. And the two research papers I have to write. And my messy room I have to clean. Damn it!

    I'm supposed to go see "Matchstick Men" with Sean tonight, except he hasn't been answering his phone. I hate the way he screens his calls. Answering machines always intimidate me.
    "Dear Buttlick. Answer your god damned phone. Love Zombie."

    Also, thank you for linking me. Haven't seen you in forever.

    Lisa | 8:14 PM



    so i guess this is my secret blog where i spew out how things really are.

    so what is there to tell? i called up my fuck buddy yesterday and greeted him with "hey, guess who's not pregnant?!" yeah, that's right -- i cheated on my boyfriend six or seven times with a radio dj who can buy me alcohol. we've become really good friends, although it looks as though he's stood me up for the movies tonight. the fucker screens his calls. i hate that shit. to make myself feel better, i smoked a nice, expensive menthol cigarette and started a new blog. i have way too many websites to be considered sane anymore. being on my period has given me the shits. or maybe is was that greasy slice of pepperoni from pizza slut. either way, it's stinky. i guess it's good i'm not going to the movies after all.

    oh yeah. if i ever find out who took a baseball bat to my car, they're gonna end up mummified in duct tape like that poor nine-year-old kid who was simply caught stealing cookies from his kitchen. fuckin' child abusers. they make me sick.

    Lisa | 8:55 PM



    some idiot girl keeps calling my cell and i can't tell what the fuck she's saying. it's just loud, static-y yelling in my ear. i hope she's dying. no one will come to help her because she's screaming at me and then hanging up. someone call her up and find out who the hell she is: (402) 630-2660. fuck you, bitch.

    Lisa | 9:14 PM


    Rule of thumb, I don't do retractions. However, I do make rearrangements. So here were a few posts from earlier:

    "some idiot girl keeps calling my cell and i can't tell what the fuck she's saying. it's just loud, static-y yelling in my ear. i hope she's dying. no one will come to help her because she's screaming at me and then hanging up. someone call her up and find out who the hell she is: (402) 630-2660. fuck you, bitch."

    "all right, this sucks ass. she called me a few times more. my dad answered it while i was in the bathroom and she gave him some fake name and i dunno what. he said she sounded heavy and manly. i can't verify that, seeing as how i don't know who she is. but whoever you are, this is so not cool."

    Yeah, so I don't really know who this girl is, nor do I care. She kept bringing up things that happened way back when, like when I got the whole senior class to hate me for a week. It's over and done with, move on! If she has nothing better to do than call me conceited (in so many words) and then continue to ask me questions about my life, so be it. And I have no problem with anonimity. I've indulged in it myself. But seriously, "period sista," get a life.

    Lisa | 9:49 PM



    P.S. I've got this new blog (that makes like what, 352 now?). It's a public blog, of course, but it's sorta private. It's the real me. I dunno. Maybe I'll give you the URL if you ask politely.

    Lisa | 10:00 PM




    Saturday, October 4, 2003


    i am a fuckup and it is time for the world to realize this. i didn't always used to be this way. i think it started when i got a car.

    i have not been home for the last 36 hours. i spent the majority of that time asleep at gecko's apartment. loud music, free booze, free sex, and kickass video games. ah, that's the life. i skipped all of my friday classes because...*phrase of the year* i'm a fuckup! yes, yes. i was also accused of being a hypersominac and a sex fiend. i can't get enough of either one. it turns out hypersomniac is not really a word, but it means that i sleep too much. every time i lie down, anywhere, anytime, i fall asleep. and i dream of sex and nightmares. because that is what i do. i have sex and do bad things. i only left the apartment for a maximum of two hours to go to the craptacular mall of the bluffs over in iowa. who the fuck ever thought of attaching a targhetto to the mall? amazing. i bought some makeup and a bagel. and i picked out "hitman 2" for gecko.

    i used to hate video games with a passion. mostly because of stinkman - my gamer ex-boyfriend. all i ever did was sneak out of my house in the middle of the night to go watch him play "grand theft auto 3" in his messy basement and give him head and then go home. and whenever we weren't alone, he was playing "halo" with faga the fag. they both worked at gamers. stinkman even got to go to conventions in los angeles...for free. chickenfucker. when i went to san diego, he gave me a coupon for a free $20 lapdance at the spearment rhino gentleman's club. now that's love.

    so i came home today around noon after smoking three cigarettes and finally getting a car wash. never smoke three cigarettes in a row after you've been drinking and sleeping all weekend. it makes you paranoid and you feel like you have no control over your car. ah, the joy of menthol. my dad yelled at me for using too many minutes on my cell phone and spending all my money and not taking advantage of the fucking expensive "quality education" at creighton. i don't blame him. i've been taking advantage of everyone lately. i drove past my mom's grave today and i actually talked to her as i was smoking cigarette number two. "do you think i'm a fuckup, mom? you must be disappointed in me more than ever. sorry i let you down. i'm workin on it. i miss you."

    yeah so now it's time for me to buckle down and quit screwing around. i'm not allowed to call my boyfriend anymore. i don't think he'd notice much. he's all the way out in los angeles living his own shitty life. poor guy. he's stuck in a smaller-than-one-person-aparment with his mom. he doesn't even get his own bed. and his delusional, money-grubbing grandma is moving away to wisconsin where she can live with people who will take care of her when she falls down on her way to the kitchen. i wish i could change things for him, but i don't have enough money. he's going to school, hating his classes, saving his money, in hopes of moving out here to live with me. what am i gonna tell my dad? shit, i don't know.

    i think after homecoming tonight i will exert some self-control and not spend the night at gecko's. i have a paper due on monday and we all know i haven't even read the material yet. this paper actually requires some research. damn it. right now doing my laundry is looking more and more fun. and i wish my stupid sinus infection would go away. i no longer exhibit the traditional symptoms of a cold, and my killer headaches have subsided, but i can still taste the infection whenever i hawk a loogie. except i'm a genteel little brat and i hawk them silently. too hard to explain, but trust me, i'm polite. i even reduced my usage of the word "fuck." now that's progress.

    Lisa | 2:23 PM



    las influencias
    otis redding's music is so fucking sexy. it turns me on and makes me want to get naked and do bad things.
    beck's music is genius. it makes me wanna smoke and drink and shake my booty all around.
    and the matrix: reloaded soundtrack makes me wanna shoot everyone i see. and maybe do some hardcore drugs. the best thing to do is pop the score into the stereo, blast it uber-loud, and use it as background music for "hitman 2." so awesome.
    i love the power of music. a lot. go download some blue october. and you will love music too.

    Lisa |2:41 PM



    Okay, so I had some thoughts, but I spewed them out somewhere else. It was a rather long entry. I don't feel like copying and pasting, so you'll just have to ask me later.

    I got my tires checked and I washed my car. I spilled Vanilla Coke all over the driver's side the other day, so at least now it's not sticky anymore. But I have to drive people around tonight and they're gonna be all dressed up. This means I'd better clean out the inside of my car so they don't get stained with god knows what. Yeah, I'm a pig.

    P.S. Homecoming is tonight and it's gonna kick ass. No more of that all-girl, catholic high school shit.

    Lisa | 2:47 PM



    So this is the mix I've been listening to lately. A lot. And I like it. A lot.

    Squeeze - "Black Coffee in Bed"
    Otis Redding - "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay"
    Otis Redding - "Pain in My Heart"
    Smokey Robinson & the Miracles - "You Really Got a Hold on Me"
    Blue October - "Calling You"
    Rusted Root - "Send Me on My Way"
    Rufus Wainwright - "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"
    Rufus Wainwright - "Hallelujah"
    Nico - "These Days"
    Sam Cooke - "You Send Me"
    Live - "Lightning Crashes"
    Dido - "Thank You"
    Gary Jules - "Mad World"

    P.S. Put it in 'shuffle' mode.

    Lisa | 3:05 PM



    i draw boobies on people's dry-erase boards on their dorm room doors. really hot boobies. i get requests. they look kinda like mine. or so i've been told. mmm... hot boobies.

    my dad threatened to kill me if i "turn gay." i will probably die soon anyway. no joke.

    i miss them

    i took calculus once. it was easier than most math, i think. "u + me = us" yeah, that's not calculus. calculus involves more trig functions and derivatives and integrals. mmm....integrals. imagine you have a curve on a coordinate plane. now pretend that you want to find the exact area of the space underneath that curve. this is when you use integrals. now if the x-axis represented a specific time period, and the the y-axis represented how many times you had sex within that time period, the space underneath the curve would equal how many times you thought about someone else's hot boobies other than the girl's whom you were fucking.

    but not really.

    Lisa | 3:15 PM




    Sunday, October 5, 2003


    yikes! what a crazy night. i went to homecoming with a bunch of my friends, and i even invited gecko for the hell of it. i spend so much time with him anyway, i might as well, right? he's a good guy though, really. so we went out to eat at caniglia's down in the ghetto. NEVER EAT THERE. the service was so awful. everytime our waitress came by, her tip went down by some sort of percent, i really don't know. normally i'm a very generous tipper because i know how much it sucks to work and serve crappy customers and not get paid enough for it. but we were good customers! and although her tip should not have been foldable, i threw out some cash because i can never be that mean. pocket change for seven people? it's just not right.

    the dance was pretty lame. i almost got into multiple car accidents because i was simply unable to comprehend the meaning of "STOP AT THE GOD DAMNED RED LIGHT!" i wasn't even intoxicated or anything....yet. at the civic, no one would dance with me and all my friends started fighting because chris is a dork who has a crush on lauren (don't we all, though?) and he couldn't hack seeing her like another guy. he went all high school on our asses and had a hissy fit and we ended up just all leaving separately. a bunch of us ended up at gecko's apartment (surprise, surprise) for alcohol and a really boring movie. i thought there would be more conversing and enjoyment, but oh well. i finally got my gin and that's all that matters.

    ....and drunken sex. god, that was good. hear ye, hear ye. let all the world know that gecko is a fucking good lay. i promised him i'd proclaim that. it was some of the best sex i've ever had....hot damn. and of course we indulged in a little more "hitman 2." i attempted to watch "fear and loathing in las vegas" for the second time, but i got distracted by somone sucking on my neck. hate. i never get to watch whole movies anymore. i'm supposed to go see "matchstick men" tonight though, so maybe that one will actually pull through. gecko doesn't like PDA's anyway, so i think i'm set.

    who else to talk about? oh, how about some more of gecko? his truck broke down so now i'm his "sugar momma" and i drive him around and pay for his cigars and he buys me booze and i hang out with him way too much. it's almost like best friends, except i don't think we know each other well enough or even long enough to reach that stage yet. but hey, i was so hot last night (and still am today), and that's all that matters.

    he let me hang out with him at the radio station and that was pretty awesome. i've been on the radio before, but it was up in pine ridge (you know, that indian reservation up in south dakota where everyone gets screwed by the government?) and i got to pick out some hardcore music to play and talk about why i don't like war and shit. that was back in march. good god, the dj was so fucking stoned. the walls are lined with padding to prevent echoing and such and jessica just sat there sniffing the walls because the whole damned place smelled like marijuana. we told mr. stoned fuck that she wanted to be a masseuse when she got older and he turned all pervy on us asking questions about masseuse school and looking at us with a most lecherous eye. mmm....lecherous.

    dan and dave were the ones who first told me what that word meant. there's something about guys who went to jesuit high schools that i just can't resist. they're all on this higher level of intelligence and to watch their quick and witty banter is so fucking hot as well as amusing. i can't stay away from humor. if you don't make me laugh at least twice within the first meeting, i'll never fuck you. i can't stand boring people, ya know. i tend to be pretty amusing myself, or so i've been told. in high school i was not only labeled the class pervert but the class clown as well. i like to make people laugh, but i dont think i could ever be a stand up comedian. i st-st-stutter when it comes to public speaking. haven't we had this conversation before? yeah, i was talking about wanting to be the comedian's speechwriter. maybe i can graduate with a broadcasting degree and write for "the family guy" or something. god damn i love to laugh.

    p.s. leave some comments, you fuckers.

    Lisa | 1:36 PM



    Homecoming last night was pretty fun. I invited Sean to come with because we don't spend enough time together. Psh! The service at dinner sucked, and the food was so not worth the price. Nobody danced with me, but I did some people watching and could not help staring at KJ when he danced. He's so....mesmerizing. I saw Snoza (ex-bf) there and of course I tried saying hello like 50 bajillion times and he just ignored me. So then when I walked away, his date looked at me like I was a bitch and they thought I was angry. Hah. Angry over him? Puh-lease. The night, all in all, was very pleasant and I'm glad I went. And I don't care what psycho-stalker-bitch says, I was and am totally hot.

    I found my Jimi Hendrix cd and I'm loving it. I listened to the blues this morning and it was all I needed to mellow out and enjoy my day. I have a paper due tomorrow, but I have the incentive of going to see "Matchstick Men" to get me through it. If I get my paper done, I can go out and enjoy myself. That's the way the world works, or should anyway.

    I'm getting kind of bored with this blog. See me for further instructions.

    Lisa | 1:43 PM



    to seth
    (i replied to his email today)

    i guess i don't get me either. i wasn't supposed to use my phone, but i did anyway. i have a paper due tomorrow, but i can't concentrate. i just watched some of "Girl, Interrupted" i dunno why, but movies about depressed people in rehab kinda intrigue me. i think maybe it shows me that if i don't watch myself i'll end up like that. yeah, i drank some gin. i had about 4 drinks actually. no worries, i didn't drive anywhere. i'm sorry i confuse you, seth. i'm just trying to enjoy things while i can, i guess. i have this real problem with distractions. like i can't even get my paper started. i keep thinking about the movie i want to go see tonight, and i probably will go see it whether my paper is finished or not and i think i might go for a walk because i'm sort of hooked on these things that people call cigarettes and i don't like to smoke in the house even if my dad is gone. it's just smelly and gross. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just don't want to have ANY responsibility for anything except for finding a place to sleep at night. i think maybe i like those kinds of movies because the people in them get taken care of and don't have to do anything all day except contemplate life and write about it in their journals and talk to their counselors and sleep it away. do you ever wish you could just take a break and go do something like that? i do sometimes. anyway i think i will go for my walk. or maybe between here and the front door i will find some inspiration to write my stupid paper. i hate homework, ya know. the weekend is supposed to ME time - no work, no school. anyway, please keep writing to me because i love to hear from you and it's nice to talk to someone who understands me and because i miss you and i love you so much it hurts sometimes, but it a good way. :)

    I love you.

    Lisa | 4:26 PM




    Monday, October 6, 2003


    OK - so i looked it up and hypersomnia is a word. it means the inability to stay awake. i also looked up nymphomaniac and i decided that i fit the description perfectly....the description in the dictionary, not the one given by julianne moore's character in "the big lebowski."

    it turns out gecko beat "hitman 2." amazing seeing as how it only took a few days. then again, he hasn't been doing much else with his time that i'm aware of. we went to see "pirates of the carribean" and it was fantastic. the comedy in it can be hard to catch at times, but if you're SAVVY, you'll laugh heartily. my all-time favorite part was at the end when half of the cast chanted HUZZAH! over and over. so fucking awesome. except i think i am sick from my junior mints. not fucking awesome at all. blech.

    why am i an idiot? i locked my keys in my car twenty minutes before i had to drive across town to pick up lauren from some baptist church thingamabob she had to go to. so i had to ask an uber-favor of gecko to drive his most-likely-to-break-down-on-us truck to go get my spare key from my brother. i felt awful. but it all turned out well in the end and that's all that matters. oh, and he is a great kisser. gecko, not my brother. yum yum eat 'em up.

    now, off to tackle that stupid paper....

    Lisa | 2:07 AM




    Tuesday, October 7, 2003


    so this dana-carvey-gone-nasty from hot or not wants to meet me. his interests include ancient wars, erotica, and making chain-mail lingerie, whatever that is. he's also married. (dear god, i'd hate to see his wife.) think i should go for it?

    i decided my newest justification for smoking is to lower my voice. i sound like a goddamned 12-yr-old and i hate it. my tongue feels numb though. not from smoking, but from my uber-hot coffee i had for breakfast. i got plenty of sleep at gecko's (no sex this time!) yet i still fell asleep in my morning class. hypersomnia at its worst.

    i have a five-page paper due for world politics tomorrow and midterms are next week. school can blow ass sometimes. seth even dropped one of his classes. i don't blame him, though. his teacher was a fucking idiot. seth hasn't been talking to me much. even when i'm on the phone with him he just sits there and sounds depressed. i feel bad for cheating on him, but this kind of behavior isn't making me feel any more attracted to him. show some affection, man! i feel like you don't love me anymore.

    everytime i go to work, my boss reminds me about this restaurant we like called "blue." so i finally went there and got some sushi for dinner. mmm...raw ginger. and she gave me homemade cheesecake with blueberries. think i'm excited over nothing? what does your boss give you? yeah, that's what i thought. punk.

    Lisa | 9:13 PM



    Remember This?

    Pretty In Pink. Ducky shows up at the record store. He serenades Andie. She breaks his heart.

    Try a Little Tenderness
    [This is for you] Ooh she may be weary
    And them young girls they do get weary
    Wearing that same old shaggy dress
    But when they get weary
    [You gotta] try a little tenderness

    [Tell you, might not believe it, but]
    You know she's waiting
    Just anticipating
    The thing that she'll never, never, possess,no,no
    But while [all the time] she's without it
    Go to her and try just a little bit of tenderness
    [Thats all you gentlemen gotta do]

    Oh,but its one thing
    It might be a bit sentimental yeah, yeah
    She has - her greaves and care
    But the soft words [they] are spoken so gentle
    Yeah
    But, oh, that makes it, makes it easier to bear, yeah

    You wont regret it
    No no,
    Them young girls they dont forget it
    [Cause] Love is their whole, whole happiness Yes, yes, yeah

    And its all so easy
    Come on and try
    Try a little Tenderness
    Yeah Try
    Just keep on trying

    You've got to love her
    Squeeze her
    Don't tease her Make love [Get to her]
    Hold her tight
    Just, just try a little tenderness
    Thats all you gotta do
    Youve gotta hold her tight

    One more time
    You`ve got to love her
    hold her Don't tease her
    Never leave her
    Make love to her
    Hold her, man

    Try a little tenderness
    [Just one time] God have mercy now

    All you`ve gotta do
    Love her
    You've gotta hold her
    Don't squeeze her
    Never leave her Y
    ou gotta now, now, now

    Watch it, tell everybody
    Try, Try a little tenderness

    You gotta make love
    Don't tease her
    Never leave her
    Rub her down
    Smooth her, soothe her
    Move her
    Love her
    Rub her
    Gotta gotta, zak it to her
    Try some tenderness

    Oh yeah
    Tenderness
    Little tendernes
    Gotta, lord you gotta hold her
    Squeeze her Never leave her

    ~ Otis Redding

    Lisa | 9:27 PM



    i learned about stress today, and how to manage it.
    stress:
    overdue movies, midterms, boyfriends, family, immature dorks, low wages, school in general....
    how to manage it:
    gin and tonic....lots of it

    Lisa | 9:40 PM



    i keep getting requests for naked pics. from strangers too, not just people i know. i'm suprised i don't have any already. i am a dirty pervert. hussey told me that masturbation is a good stress reliever. i have the coolest vibrator ever. it is a three-inch-tall plastic figurine made to look like a little man. a chef, in fact, but gecko thinks he looks like a little lego dude. his name is chef frenchie. his head is extra tall (the vibrator part) and he wears a very tall iron chef-ish hat to cover it up. sometimes he stands on the bookshelf with his hat on and no one is the wiser. chef frenchie likes to stand next to my stash box. the box is made of cedar and he thinks it smells better than my crotch sometimes. he has one eyebrow raised and a pointy moustache and he looks at me and says in a very think accent, "hahaha, little girly. i am going to lick your pussy!" and then i let him. if i take a picture of chef frenchie, will it count as one of my dirty pics?

    EbowLeper: i think i offered to be the photographer actually

    Lisa | 10:21 PM



    jon stalker asked me how my paper was going tonight and i told him it was dead. i finally found the motivation to start writing it around 11:20 pm, but then it happened. i remembered that i lent my book to some guy in my class last friday and he never returned the book. god fucking damn it all to motherfucking hell you stupid shit head bastard! there's no way i can even begin to write the paper without that book. i'm pretty sure this paper will count for my midterm and that is a big scary uh-oh. i was going to email my professor and explain the situation, except i can't find his address. and i don't really want to approach him in person about it because he is taller than me and quite fat (his stomach is a perfect sphere) and his eyes don't seem to open all the way when he looks at you. ahhh!! i hate you, you weird guy from my class whose name i don't even know!

    i called gecko because i knew a chat with him might make me feel better. and it did, for the most part. i told him that i wanted to get high and forget about my crappy stressed out life for awhile, except i am an idiot and i left my schwag in the car. never leave your stash in the car. you could get pulled over and busted and maybe even anal-raped. anyway, gecko suggested a shot of gin. as i was looking for my shot glass, he randomly said "it's on the left by that circle thing" as if he had ever been to my house and known where i kept my stuff. sure enough there it was in the bottom left-hand drawer next to a circular ashtray i stole from my dad. fucking hilarious. i don't like that ashtray very much. i have one that is shaped like a hippopotamus' head. smoldering your butts in the back of a fat animal's head is amusing. you can imagine it's the the fat kid who used to live down the street. the kid who bullied you and spit a loogie straight into your eye. the kid who showed his dick to his little sister and got your younger brother to build beer-bottle bombs and leave them burning on the side of the road. god, that kid was a jerk. i swear he was so fat. they used to say the back of his neck looked like a pack of hotdogs. maybe if i put out my cigarettes on the back of his neck we can have a barbeque.

    i've never used this shot glass before. it's got the logo for the chicago bulls on it. i bought it in shit-cago back in march of two thousand and three. i had been "dating" tony tight-pants at the time. since we had just started going out (it was the kind of going out where you say you are, but you have yet to go on the first date), i wasn't sure if i should bring him back a souvenir from my trip. so i got him the glass and when i came back home he had a new girlfriend. chickenfucker. but it all works out in the end because who knew that two years later i would be stressed out and need a shot of gin? how ironic that i listened to a speaker about stress management earlier today, and now here i am worried to death that i won't be able to attend creighton next year. maybe it's just as well. seth pays $11 per credit to go to community college in california. i pay approximately $80 per class to go to a jesuit university in the big O. grr...so not fair.

    and that was the second time i've used the word approximately tonight. so take that mr. jordon.

    Lisa | 11:55 PM





    Wednesday, October 8, 2003


    OK - so i am a chickenshit. i can't quite handle straight shots yet....i have to work my way back up. so i tried half a shot of vodka with a bacardi silver raz chaser and went to bed. i overslept and called into work telling them i was sick. "it was something i ate." haha, it was that cheesecake you fed me! but not really. i set my away message to say "hiccups and self indulgence" and then i finished what i couldn't last night because i was buzzed and too tired to hold the vibrator in the right spot.

    i used to be able to take shots. chugs even. but that was my mistake right there. one chilly night back in the winter of senior year, i shared a massively gross mushroom/sausage/god knows what else pizza with my best friend rizzo. then we went partying because well, that's all we ever did. the guy she was fucking at the time, not peabody but that other dumbfuck...the one who convinced her to buy him a playstation with a bad check.... anyway he offered to drive us around in his shitty ass cadillac. the back doors wouldn't open so we had to keep crawling over the front seat. once we got drunk, this became more and more difficult.

    later that night i piled four chugs of straight vodka (in less than ten minutes) right on top of that pizza and let it all swish around inside my tummy. and then we all piled into the car. all i remember is that i was in back with all these hot guys - one on my right, two on my left, and one laying across my lap. i guess their ride had ditched them and we got stuck driving them around. and what's-his-name was a really bad driver. or maybe he was a good driver, but all i remember was shouting "slow the fuck down before i puke all over you!" over and over. it was the dizziest night of my life. but i was a good girl and i held it in until i got out of the car. damn them for making me try to crawl over that seat. i desecrated somebody's front yard and someone else's trash can. when i went to lie down to sleep, they made me get up and ride with them to wal*mart. yeezus, people, can't you see i need to rest?? fucktard tried to take advantage of me by asking me to purchase him a PS2 while i was not thinking clearly. i didn't fall for it, but he got rizzo later. fucking shit heads and your drunken evilness!!

    so in short, that is why i can't take straight alcohol anymore. the taste of it nauseates me and brings back yucky memories of the only time i've ever been sick. but i think with hard work and perseverance, i can work my way back to the top. way to set your goals, blooms.

    Lisa | 10:22 AM



    what the fuck?? gecko thinks that the word "dale" is two syllables, thus making my last name four syllables. what a moron. i even showed it to him in the dictionary and he didn't believe me. i think i need to get a petition going around to show him that i am ALWAYS right and he should never doubt me. except when it comes to self-control. i have none. i meant to be home by 8 so i could do my thang and get some shit done. instead i pounce on gecko and ride him for an hour. or something like that. yeezus, i am a nympho.

    there is a two-mile stretch on pacific street that makes me vulnerable to getting into a car accident. the trees with the leaves and the colors and the...buhh, it's just so pretty i can't help but stare.

    i am a chainsmoker. i smoked at least ten cigarettes today. i figure that if i could just snap my fingers and appear where i need to be, i'd never smoke. cause i only really do it when i am driving somewhere or walking somewhere which is ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i mean, you're driving along, listening to tunes, avoiding people from iowa....what else is there to do? whip one out and toke up! just one more reason to become a witch i suppose.

    i have this thing....this habit. i like to make people become infatuated with me. it's what i do. i meet them and appear all cute and funny and sweet. i tease them just so, and then boom! they become infatuated. i've never believed in love at first sight, but if i can get them obsessing within a month, it's a job well done. even people on the internet. especially older men. i got one 45-yr-old guy to fall in love with me so much that he was thinking about me as he drove to work and he had to pull over and masturbate. i think that deserves a gold star.

    hmm, what else? i found the motherfucker who took my book and kicked his lily-white ass. but not really. i did invade his room though. mr. teacher dude said i could turn in my paper tomorrow, but i think i am going to wait until friday and turn in it when i go to class. but i made some progress! i went to village inn and ate some pie and smoked some cigarettes and did some homework and people watched. there was this one old lady who sat down by herself and started playing solitaire on her old-lady-gameboy. and the waitresses knew her order without even asking. it seemed as though this lady has nothing better to do than hang out in crappy diner joints and play electronic handhelds and eat patty melts.

    the shuttle bus driver at school is like, way cool man. he talked to me about the weather and gave me some of his chips. rock on, muthafucka!

    Lisa | 11:22 PM



    what's with these girls and their fucking weird-ass tits? there's a kid, andy, up on fifth floor who has posters of naked girls on the ceiling over his bed. there's this one girl (with obviously fake boobs) who is raising her arms above her head...and her nipples go with her! it's like her boobs rotated and the nipples ended up on top. i just don't get it.

    p.s. tan lines on breasts? not hot. not at all.

    Lisa | 11:51 PM



    i added my picture to see how many it would take. my hot or not ratings came back with less-than-satisfactory results, so i'm sure this one will, too. yay for fun.

    update: yeah i just looked at my pic....blech.

    Lisa | 11:58 PM




    Thursday, October 9, 2003


    it's eighty fucking degrees in october. this sucks. sweating during the school year....it's just not right. and where are my goddamned comments? doesn't anybody have anything to say? blah.

    gecko and i decided that hanging around him as much as i do is detrimental to my health - in that i don't do my homework and if i fail my classes my dad is going to kill me, in addition to many other reasons. so we're taking a week off to see how it goes. i have a feeling i'm going to go through withdrawal, but it will probably be good for me. unless i start smoking more than half a pack a day. then there is something terribly wrong: backfired infatuation. i had a crush on him when i first met him, but i forced it to go away. he's not interested in me anyway (that i know of). so if i don't have any feelings for him, i won't be crushed and neither will seth. but evil is at play right now, and that crush is starting to come back. blah.

    i want to carve a pumpkin but it is too early. dana, lauren, and i are going to carve some after fall break for their dorm room, but i'm impatient as always. i get all these ideas for things i wanna do (or have to do) in my head, but there's always something else that gets in the way, like term papers. fuckity fuck fuck. blah.

    Lisa | 5:17 PM



    my friends are conspiring without me. namely CANDICE and JACQUELINE. they've got some weird friendship going on and i feel oh-so excluded. i didn't even think they hung out with each other. but now there's evidence of secrets being told and covert hangings out and what not. well fuck that. guess you gotta grow up sometimes. i know what it's like to be forgotten and this is IT.

    i was watching the news today and they showed a videotape of a carjacking. the dude looked exactly like tony tightpants! no wonder i haven't heard from him in a while.

    mmm....sublime. they are gods.

    Lisa | 7:09 PM



    so seth is now one of arnold's minions. luckily he's an anarchist and doesn't vote. i was told arnold smoked weed. i bet he was retarded when he was high. oh yeah, that reminds me... i finally got my schwag back from my brother. i left it in my glove compartment (stupid) but retrieved it just before my dad went to work on my car. oy, what a relief. maybe if i smoke some weed i'll write a better paper....

    what am i thinking?!?

    Lisa | 8:28 PM



    OKAY - big mistake. for the second time tonight the internet has made me come off as a total bitch. i blame it on the fact that i can't transmit my humorous or serious tones of voice. grr!!!! candi called me all upset because of what i wrote, and now that i look back at it, she has every right to be mad. first and foremost - deepest apologies for sounding like a complete moron. i think my entry could be easily re-worded into:

    wow, it's so nice that two of my closest friends are getting along so well. i sure do miss hanging out with them. like, a lot even. i guess that's what happens when you go off to college - you just sorta lose touch sometimes.

    yeah so um... i gotta go call candi and apologize.
    *phrase of the year* LISA IS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FUCKUP!

    10:07 PM



    Justification

    five page world politics midterm paper was due wednesday. could not finish it because jackass stole book. retrieved book and asked teacher for extension until thursday. decided to wait until friday when i actually had class. could not fucking concentrate on anything thursday night. will skip class on friday and write it over the weekend. will get poor grade, do rewrite later for better grade. will count on still having 70% of the grade ahead of me to make it up after fall break. will hopefully quit screwing around and get on the fucking ball. that is all.

    Lisa | 10:25 PM



    let it burn, wanna let it burn, wanna let it burn, wanna wanna let it burn! (sublime)

    the hippo's head is filling up fast and all this phone tag has made me lose my buzz :(

    i like to make mini-pipes out of my cigarette butts by burning holes into the sides of the filters. maybe a smurf will come by and smoke a bowl with me. and drink some smurfs. ha! i left a smiley face in the ashtray for the waitress at village inn. and a generous tip. think she'll be my friend forever? she did call me "sweetheart." then again, she's been waitressing for over ten years and that is what she is inclined to do. i have cooler friends anyway. they even gave me some moral support tonight. yay for them.

    okay, time to get a life and stop writing. but i can't help it. it is what i am inclined to do. if i don't type it out, i will just lie in my bed and concoct elaborate entries in my head. damn my mind and everything in it.

    i am excited because even though i blew all my money on mandarin mints and gas and lunch and more lunch, i have some money coming in. i paid for tony's dinner at homecoming and he is going to pay me back. and i bought my brother's friend some cigars and he is also going to pay me back. i remember when i blew my money on my friends and they didn't pay me back. but i didn't care because i enjoy giving shit away. i don't get a tingly feeling like i do when i drink a screwdriver, but it still makes me feel pretty good. i dunno, i shouldn't tell you guys that. that ugly stalker bitch accused me of bragging about my good deeds. god fucking forbid.

    Lisa | 10:33 PM




    Friday, October 10, 2003


    My boss called me today to let me know what time to come in to work tomorrow. The first thing she said was, "You didn't look too good this morning." "Uh... I wasn't wearing any makeup, but thanks." I thought I looked fine, but after that I wasn't feeling too good about myself.

    Midterms are next week and I have at least four tests and a paper. I think it's time I start acting like all my studious friends and actually get some schoolwork done. It's a well-known fact that I always screw around instead of taking responsibility, but I suppose I could make myself change for just a week. However, today is Friday and I am going to indulge in my art projects because that is what makes me content. It's a nice day, but a little too windy to be working outside.

    I was showing my friend Talia my online photo album in the library today. It was nice to reminisce a little. I have a zillion more photos that I never posted, but I think that I'm going to just hang them up around my room. If you're that desperate to check them out, give me a call and I'll let you come over.

    Someone just rang the doorbell, and I'm really hoping it's not for me. I have a feeling it might be the lady from down the street. I was supposed to write a news story on her, but I changed my mind and never emailed her to tell her that. Oops! I hope that in all the hustle and bustle of her daughter's wedding she forgot about me. I obviously forgot about her.

    Lisa | 6:01 PM



    Says Daze Reader

    Alan Farnham at Forbes surveys recent scientific findings that having sex is good for you. "The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it's harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female." Among those advantages are: improved sense of smell, reduced risk of heart disease, weight loss, overall fitness, reduced depression, pain-relief, less-frequent colds and flu, better bladder control, better teeth and a happier prostate. OK, you might be saying to yourself, most of these make sense . . . but better teeth?

    Lisa | 10:25 PM




    Saturday, October 11, 2003

    mmm...long nap.

    gecko and i went to see "repulsion" at the dundee last night. it was, without a doubt, one of the worst movies i have ever seen. the promised "building plot" only seemed to grow slower. there were tons of filler scenes and some where you just sit and say "what the fuck?" although there were some humorous parts in the movie as well. psycho lady just gets done killing lecherous landlord - hmmm i think i'll do some knitting. what the fuck? only see it if you're bored and you can't think of a single better thing to do.

    we got home late from the movie and paul was home so it was nice to see him again. he's a pretty nice guy, and i'm sure he has some interesting stories to tell, being a semi-truck driver and all. we attempted to watch red planet but it only resulted in gecko and i falling asleep in his bed. not even a kiss on the lips - i was surprised. i came home at seven this morning because i had to work at nine. it seems like my dad didn't even notice i didn't come home last night. oh well.

    it seems like every time i go to work my boss has something to complain about. she makes these lists of "topics we need to discuss" but really they are just lists of things that i need to do better because i am a fuckup. like yesterday, she complained that i didn't look too good. well i wasn't wearing any makeup that day, but thanks. i sure feel good about myself now.

    i napped from one to seven and my vibrator needs a new battery but they are all the way out in the car and i am wearing my pj's and i am sorta lazy and it is cold and rainy out. leftover colonol sanders for dinner and maybe a cigarette for dessert. i'll be up late tonight doing homework or screwing around, probably screwing around. gecko is on Z-92 from 12-6am tonight and he is excited because he gets to be on air but he will probably call me sometime around then because it gets boring in between promos and such.

    i'm basically boring today. you'll get over it.

    barney shakur

    Lisa | 7:39 PM



    can't stop, addicted to the shin dig....

    i don't know how i feel about living in this pansy-ass neighborhood. everyone but us is so fucking rich and they have "covenants" like what colors you are allowed to paint your house and that you can't leave your canoe lying out in your own fucking backyard and it's called a "sub-division" not a neighborhood. everyone has their picnics and their garage sales at the same time and they have jazz concerts in the street and my neighbors, excuse me "adjacent sub-division residents," play the fucking husker fight song whenever NU scores a touchdown and i can hear it all the way across the street as i go to my car to get my batteries and shit. they must have a fucking loudspeaker attached to their house or something. husker parties - what a joke.

    my dad caught me smoking in my room last night which i never do unless i am drinking, too. i apologized and he said to apologize to myself because i am hurting my body and living an unhealthy lifestyle and he would like it if i stopped but since i'm old enough he can't really tell me not to. i even showed him the tin i decorated (my cigarettes come in a fucking expensive tin). i buy martha magazines and make collages because it is fun and i like scissors and glue and how the fuck do you spell scissors? i appreciate the fact that he respects my privacy and doesn't come in my room because there are empty bottles everywhere and my stash box is on the other side of the bed so like he could ever get to it anyway. you can barely walk in here and you can't even see the fucking floor in most places. i've been "cleaning my room" ever since sometime back in high school, probably junior year or earlier. it's a neverending task because i start one day but never finish and then add more later and clean up some other stuff but never really get it all done. if cleaning my room was a free-enterprise business, i'd be going into debt because the amount of trash coming in constantly exceeds the amount of trash going out.

    Lisa | 8:05 PM



    I'm in the mood, get ready. - Sublime

    Blue October
    Music Box Live
    25 October 2003
    $14 advance

    BE THERE - it's one of the last shows before the place closes down. Call me if you wanna come.

    Oh yeah, and some time after fall break there is going to be a pumpkin-carving party and some painting and free food and scary movies, etc. down in Gallagher Hall. It should be fun, so call me for that, also.

    Lisa | 8:39 PM




    Sunday, October 12, 2003


    hey turds. why do i even bother writing if no one reads or comments? sure i get things off my chest for my own personal health but i could be talking to my fucking walls if i wanted. but i blog because i'm a people person and i figure there's gotta be someone somewhere who cares about what i have to say. right??? so indulge me already.

    dear stupid people who email me:
    i put stuff in the sidebar for a reason, damn it. take a look and do some goddamn research before you bug me with your stupid questions like "what's the difference between phresh phish and pee into the wind ?" losers.

    today my dad was telling me how it is unfortunate that i inherited his genes because he is a lightweight and can't hold his fucking liquor. he tried to describe to me what is was like to be drunk and lying on the floor in your own vomit. psh, if only he knew how it really was. i must've inherited someone else's genes, too, because i hold my fucking liquor better than he could ever wish. and i only threw up three times. so there.

    Lisa | 3:52 PM



    i have decided to name my hippo henry. or maybe harry. harry is good name. just the other day i was driving past howard street and i said i wished there was a harry street. "why?" sean asked. "because harry is a cool name, fucktard. that's why." henry harry the hippo agrees with me. harry is so dirty. he has at least fifteen butts right now, i counted. there may still be some hidden under the ashes. poor harry. i think maybe he needs a bath. or at least a field trip to the trash can. he fucking smells and there are only two good places for smelly people - bathtubs and trash cans. or you can do both at the same time - it's called "dumpster diving." you think you're out to find something really cool like someone's old pair of huge brown loafers like dave did, but really you're just asking for a trash bath. roll around a bit and just soak up the stench. you're in luck if someone threw out their leftover gyro the night before. think of cucumber sauce as shaving cream, whip out a dirty, dull razorblade you found in the last dumpster, and just start hacking away. you're bound to lose hair somewhere in the process. number one bonefied guaranteed.

    as the king kong commercial says, "not jye-row, yee-row!"

    Lisa | 4:15 PM



    bored

    dan's away message (in so many words): "taking a hot, nude shower xxx click to enter! xxx"

    lisabee16: i clicked but nothing happened
    Goose dot nu: oh, sorry
    lisabee16: it's ok
    Goose dot nu: it's cause i got out of the shower, but forgot to take down the away message
    lisabee16: so you mean i could have actually seen some full hot nude shower action??
    lisabee16: damn you
    Goose dot nu: snooze ya lose
    lisabee16: YOU snoozed
    lisabee16: i dont think my blog is so perverse that you can't read it at school
    lisabee16: it's....mesmerizing
    Goose dot nu: well it's not like it's against the law
    Goose dot nu: yes
    lisabee16: as long as ya like it
    Goose dot nu: but still, there are othe rpeople in the comp lab, sometimes girls, and i dont' want them to get the wrong idea
    lisabee16: heh, sorry
    lisabee16: how do you think people felt when i was looking at a giant naked giraffe in the library?
    lisabee16: goes both ways
    Goose dot nu: he was not naked
    lisabee16: yuh huh
    Goose dot nu: ok well, maybe he was
    Goose dot nu: but it was a head shot
    lisabee16: even worse
    Goose dot nu: i shouldn't talk, i have playboy bunny pictures up now
    lisabee16: nastay
    lisabee16: porn is for pyros
    Goose dot nu: haha
    lisabee16: erotica is where it's at
    lisabee16: so what do you do when you have a big paper to write and it's almost a week late and you can't concentrate?
    Goose dot nu: i give up
    lisabee16: fuck no
    lisabee16: too expensive for that
    Goose dot nu: just sayin, that's what i do
    lisabee16: hmm well thanks
    lisabee16: maybe a nice GRE to cleanse my thoughts
    Goose dot nu: right
    lisabee16: so where do you live again?
    Goose dot nu: irvine, south of los angeles
    lisabee16: oh yeah
    Goose dot nu: in a state that is not rectangular
    lisabee16: well maybe someday if i am ever in irvine i will let you know
    Goose dot nu: k
    lisabee16: mine's not rectangular
    lisabee16: my state has a fucking boner
    Goose dot nu: nebraska?
    lisabee16: uh huh
    lisabee16: with rectangular balls
    Goose dot nu: no, wrong
    lisabee16: ?
    Goose dot nu: i'm looking at a map now
    lisabee16: heh you don't know what it looks like already?
    Goose dot nu: it's almost rectangular, except it's got a rectangular bite taken out of one side, and a river on the right
    lisabee16: yeah
    Goose dot nu: i do, but when you say it looks lik ea boner i have to question
    lisabee16: the dirtiest fuckin river you've ever seen
    lisabee16: a choad
    lisabee16: chode
    lisabee16: whatever
    lisabee16: at least it's not idaho

    Lisa | 4:32 PM



    i miss my mom. she used to be way cool. she could blow smoke rings. i wish i could do that. when i was way little she used to make us popcorn and then take off the crunchy parts and leave us the big soft fluffy parts so we wouldn't choke and die. i still do that sometimes. not the choke a die part. she was always looking out for us. my grandma, too. one time i was getting into a fight on the playground and my grandma just happened to be pulling up in the parking lot. she came in for backup. how cool is that? your fucking grandma for a posse. i was a bad-ass muthafucka. and i think i probably talked to walls back then, too.
    Lisa | 4:46 PM



    I always found it interesting that my grandma has been married four times. My mom was one of four daughters, and each had a different dad. I never knew who my biological grandpa was, but the one I have now is pretty awesome. He's the only person in the world I let call me "Liz." He grew up in Maine and has this crazy obsession with lighthouses. He taught me how to fish. I caught a bass and a few bluegill that day. He drinks scotch on the rocks. He rules at card games and carpentry. For my birthday he made me a frame for my favorite puzzle so I could hang it on the wall. He let me crash at his house. He taught me how to sautee mushrooms and eat mussels. He backed me up when I had debates about religion with my grandma. He didn't give me shit for anything. I used to to go hang out with him and grandma every day after work. I miss that.

    Lisa | 4:53 PM



    my dad stepped into my room tonight, took one long sniff, and told me to pack my bags. pack my bags?! dude, i'm fucking old enough to decided whether or not i want to be smoking. grr...jerk. i just won't do it in the house anymore. i'll take walks if i have to. and damn it, i was on such a natural high, too. i was having trouble with this paper but i had an epiphany and was rolling out a page every ten minutes. now he just killed it. i took a class on social justice my senior year and one of my best papers was written on just war theory. blah, maybe some chocolate will help me recuperate.

    must...write...paper.....
    must...not...get...thrown...out....

    damn it!

    Lisa | 8:40 PM



    i swear he makes me cry on purpose. i get shown no love in this household. the only reason i stay is financial security. my dad came in my room and i was crying because he totally ruined my train of thought and there's no way i'll ever get this paper done and i was just sitting there thinking about how little they make me feel as part of the family so i started crying and he turned the whole thing around and made it sound like my fault and then he told me i can't go to creighton next year. and i should probably start looking for a roommate because i doubt i'll be allowed to live hear after this semester. and my paper is still due and i have to work in the morning and i just can't take it and i wish i was dead but i'm a fucking chickenshit so it'll never happen unless i put a hit out on myself. maybe i will....i know people with guns.

    no one around here cares about me and it costs too much money to go see the one person who does care about me and the only other one is lying dead somewhere in a cemetery.

    10:21 PM




    Monday, October 13, 2003


    took too many aspirin....woke up late....paper's not done....brother's late too....boss is gonna kill me....prof is gonna kill me....dad is gonna kill me....what am i gonna do?

    Lisa | 8:43 AM



    i am no longer feeling suicidal (not that i ever was). i just thought about it a little. doesn't everyone? i took note of every comment made by the girl who claims to be on the same menstrual cycle as me. what happens if i get pregnant? will she get pregnant, too?? will she pay for half of my abortion? who knows. i left gecko's apartment in a sort of huff this evening. he took advangtage of my nymphomanianessismdom and acted like a tease. he subsequently called his ex-girlfriend and proceeded to engage in a long, drawn out conversation about this and that which bored the hell out of me. pardon me for believing in common courtesy and simple etiquette, but i don't believe it is fair to the guest to ignore them after you've invited them over. blah. lauren and brandon still haven't got it on yet, even though the whole world knows they want to. and dana and alroy were making googly eyes at each other which is a good sign if i do say. which i do. malinda called me tonight which was awesome because i haven't talked to her for so long and we may move in together next year and she may be able to score me a decent dime and she may accompany me to the blue october concert. sean saw her picture and got an instant boner, so he wants me to bring her to the after party, where it is likely that blue october will join us for some cocktails. or maybe just some cock. i ate a particularly delicious sandwich and now i think i'll actually do some studying for once. after all, it is midterm week.

    Lisa | 10:18 PM



    it kinda sucks when the guy you like has a crush on all your friends. and asks you to set him up with them. it's sort of like the time when i went on a date with this jerk and after the movie he asked me for katie johnson's phone number. she was a bitch anyway. i think he's only letting me fuck him because i'm the only person willing to at the moment. i dunno. the whole thing was fucked up from the start.

    and dear stalker chick - get a life and leave me alone.

    Lisa | 10:23 PM




    Tuesday, October 14, 2003


    made three more collages today. and a poem of sorts:

    life lessons
    tough problems
    chocolate-dipped drama
    p.m.s.
    how can you lose?
    your passion
    really big deal
    rush hour
    good news
    circle of friends
    your words
    life's little complexities
    for you
    taking control
    ask your doctor
    no purchase necessary
    discover
    the most interesting
    romantic
    pseudonym.

    Lisa | 12:45 AM



    prospective roommates

    talia: artsy, likes to party, great to talk to, willing to skip class with me
    malinda: life-long friend, has connections, always there for me, high moral standards
    seth: boyfriend of two years, great in bed, looks out for me, can tell him anything
    tyffaney: up for anything, no job, laughs at my jokes, not judgmental


    harry the hippo


    Lisa | 12:51 AM



    I'm supposed to be on my way to school right now....then work....then more school. However, despite everything we do, that little battery light on the dashboard wants to stay lit up. My brother gets to drive a brand-new Cavalier for free, and I get to drive a car that breaks down on me every two weeks for free. It's sort of crucial that I be at school today since it is midterm week, but alas I can't go anywhere. It's not fair. I'm not going to be able to go back to Creighton next semester because my grades will be too low and I'll probably lose my scholarship. It's just not fair. There is only one benefit from getting to stay home today: coffee. I can make as much of it as I want and drink as much of it as I want and no one can stop me. Muah ha ha ha. But there's still that chance of failing my anthropology midterm.... Oy.

    Lisa | 8:47 AM



    According to this article, men who drink coffee have extra perkified sperm whereas pot smokers have impaired fertility. Seth is a coffee junkie and a stoner. I wonder if that cancels them both out? Smoke more weed, man. I don't have enough money for birth control.

    Lisa | 12:12 PM



    I would have to say that one of my favorite plays is "No Exit" by Jean Paul Sartre. It's one of the few pieces of literature I actually read all the way through in high school. Another favorite work would have to be Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. These works exhibit such a nihilistic point of view that I find most intriguing. This, coupled with the stoicism illustrated in William Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," makes me become more and more interested in depressing qualities that humans so often tend to posess. I used to want to be a psychologist, and now that I am debating what to do with my life yet again, I think I may indulge myself with a psychology or philosophy class next semester. I also want to take art and Spanish. I've been ignoring my studies lately to immerse myself in the pleasure that art projects bring me. I love my creative outlet. And I have a large interest in the Mexican-American culture. Ever since my trip to California I have wanted to learn Spanish and visit Mexico and all sorts of crap like that. Talia invited me to Cancun with her for spring break, and if I can manage to save up enough money, lose enough weight, and get a decent tan, I may just take her up on the offer.

    Lisa | 12:48 PM


    let the record show

    AlLyBaR486: lisa b, i am seriously sorry for the rude and inconsiderate comments that my friends and i have presented on your blog. you gave us your personal blog to read and we took advantage of it. i admit, the comments were a little out of control, but i think we were all soo shocked by what you were writing. it was soo different from your pee into the wind. i sincerely apologize, and propse for you to take down the comment barrier and allow us to comment with respect. if there is ever another probelm you can put the barrier back up. i really do enjoy reading your blog and hope that you will be my friends and i another chance
    lisabee16: i'll think about it and i appreciate the apology
    AlLyBaR486: ok and i am seriosuly sorry
    lisabee16: okay
    AlLyBaR486: i didn't mean to bring you down and hurt your feelings in anyway
    AlLyBaR486: good luck on your mid terms

    i guess i'm a little skeptical, but can you blame me?

    Lisa | 10:29 PM



    Wednesday, October 15, 2003


    this is not a message board. this is not where you give shoutouts to your friends. this is my journal. if you have something to say, i expect it to be relevant to the posted material. it's not rocket science.

    Lisa | 10:50 PM



    ah, my life is hell. my boss yelled at me today. the dean sent me a letter regarding my attendance to anthropology class. my dad read my mail and yelled at me to come home in the middle of a required meeting. i have two more midterms. i have a zit that won't go away. i have stalkers that won't go away. i need a shower. i think i smoked an entire pack in less than two days. i don't have any money. i'm having personal issues regarding seth and sean. i don't know where my mind is going. i am going to end up submerged in ice in the fourth zone of the tenth pouch of the eigth circle of hell. or maybe i'll get chewed up head first inside the mouth of satan's middle head. anything would be better than this.

    Lisa | 11:02 PM




    Thursday, October 16, 2003


    My mom used to sing to us when we were kids. You could definitely tell she was a smoker. I don't remember how I felt about that. I recall thinking I'd never become a smoker though. Ironic, don't you think? She sang this one so much I eventually became sick of it:

    Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
    I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
    I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
    And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
    Worry, why do I let myself worry?
    Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
    Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
    I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
    And I'm crazy for loving you
    Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
    I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
    And I'm crazy for loving you.

    ~ Patsy Cline (Willie Nelson remake)

    Lisa | 12:33 PM



    Friday, October 17, 2003


    I was thinking about tattoos yesterday. I've always told myself I'd never get one. They're too permanent. But I was thinking about them anyway. Maybe one with my mom's initials. Then my dad would spot it and get angry and then recognize the initials and then he would relax and say, "Oh, okay." But I'm not a fat, bald biker dude so I can't have a tattoo that relates to my mom. Jess got one for Ani DiFranco and then she got her zodiac sign. I don't know if I would want anything like that either. It would definitely have to be something that encompasses the real me, so when you look at it you just think "Lisa." What am I saying? I don't want a tattoo.

    Lisa | 9:17 AM



    another crazy night. i fell asleep before i could start studying for today's midterm, but i still have a couple hours left to look over some things. it's an examination whose constitution's foundation is quotation identification from selected compositions, and the consequential evaluation and markation will be a reflection of the condemnation of my deviation from my education.
    forty questions. there's a chance i'll pass. and then a week of silent, solitary bliss in which i can do anything i want, where i want, when i want. and i love that.

    in my dream last night i had sex with someone i went to high school with but i can't remember who. weird.

    Lisa | 9:29 AM



    [music|Rushmore soundtrack]

    lisabee

    is a Tiny Ape that can turn Invisible, is Easily Confused and Covered with a Thick Slime, has a Single Giant Eye, and rides around in a Metal Tripod.

    Strength: 1 Agility: 5 Intelligence: 1


    To see if your Giant Battle Monster can
    defeat lisabee, enter your name and choose an attack:

    fights lisabee using


    Lisa 10:17 AM




    jeebus is so my word. but actually i think i stole it from homer simpson. fuck.

    Lisa | 10:26 PM




    Saturday, October 18, 2003


    Life is not unbearable. I've been through much worse and gotten through it. People at school used to refer to me as a "strong" person. They've seen me go through rough patches and they've seen me take it like a man, so to speak. This is not what I would call a rough patch....at all. This is what I would call "Lisa is slacking when she doesn't need to be, and maybe indulging in a few other unhealthy activities." But it doesn't mean my life is unbearable. There are days when I'm the happiest girl you've ever met, and there are other days when I just sit and think about all the things I hate about life and it all just snowballs up and makes me cry or write depressing blog entries. But that's just who I am. I'm an emotional rollercoaster, and you guys seem to think that I'm always stuck in the valleys. I suppose I don't write about my happiness as often because I'm actually out enjoying it. And really, the things that make me joyful are so menial that you guys would get bored with it and tell me to "spice things up." But if you insist....

    Yesterday my politics class was cancelled because it was the first day of fall break and Dr. Meeks is just cool like that. So after bombing our world lit midterms, we walked around campus enjoying the nice weather. There's this long, stone sign right in front of the Reinhart Alumni Library that everyone like to sit on. It's convenient because there's an ashtray next to it and it faces the mall so you can people watch. Our campus is so beautiful this time of year. I see photographers walking around every day staring through their lenses at the orange and red trees and the leaves blowing across the brick promenade and couple sitting with their arms around each other on shaded benches and groups of freshmen playing frisbee on the Kiewit lawn. I'd post lots and lots of pictures, but alas, I don't have any. Russ offered to sell me his old digital camera for fifty bucks, so hopefully I'll figure out how it all works and post some beauty for you.
    Talia is a wonderful girl. She has short, bleach-blonde curls that sit on top of her head and look great all the time even though most days she tries to cover them up with a bandana or hat. She where's tons of eyeshadow but it looks good on her and she's tan and well-built and wears big earrings. And we can talk about anything. It's great. Yesterday we people-watched, but it was mostly guy-watching. I thought it would be weird going to school with boys, but it feels pretty natural. There's a lot of cute ones to be found on our campus, but I'm sure that's true for any university.
    Talia demanded that I go to a party with her tonight, so I believe that is what I'm going to do. It'll be good for me since all of my other friends went home for fall break. I hate saying goodbye. Even if it's just until tomorrow, I hate it. Lauren looked so sad when she realized she wouldn't see me or Dana for a whole week. I promised I'd pick her up from the airport next Sunday, and I can guarantee there will be lots of hugging. And lots of hernias. She took all of her dirty laundry home with her and the bag was sooo heavy. We made Alroy carry it and he almost fell over. I didn't know they even made travel bags that big. It reminded me of the 600-pound puppet I saw on Crank Yankers.
    I'm off to shower and do other hygenically clean habits. I've been asleep since 5:00 pm yesterday with the exception of a few phone calls. Blech. Where's my toothbrush?

    Lisa | 11:47 AM



    i don't get it. i meet people who are different from me all the time. in some cases, yes, i may disapprove of their lifestyle choices. but i don't comdemn them for it. i don't go out of my way to make them feel bad about themselves. i don't even offer unwanted advice. i simply accept them for who they are and make no judgements. is it that hard for you guys to accept me for who i am? i'm certian that "love thy neighbor" wasn't followed by the stipulation: "but only if they do everything exactly like you do and don't mess up in any way because then you must go out of your way to make them feel as awful as possible." why do you guys taunt me the way you do? i've been accused of being unhappy, but the things that make me unhappy - i get over them....quickly. it's when it's been rubbed in my face over and over again by strangers that makes me feel even worse. just as i'm starting to feel better about myself, i've got someone condemning me left and right and it FUCKING HURTS. i don't go out of my way to judge others, so why must you? if you're unsatisfied with the way i come off on this blog, blame your own fucking selves. you're the ones that make me cry.

    Lisa | 11:58 AM


    i came across pictures of "shemales" and "ladyboys" as i was surfing the web today, and i must say i couldn't believe my eyes. i'm incredibly gullible at times, but in this situation i'm most certainly skeptical. they've gotta be tampered with in photoshop or something. i dunno. but if they are real, props to the asians for not circumcising. randy will back me up. one. two.

    Lisa | 12:54 PM




    Sunday, October 19, 2003


    [music|the very best of otis redding]

    i went to a party. that is all. you deserve. to know.

    "It is not given us to live lives of undisrupted calm, boredom, and mediocrity. It is given us to be edge-dwellers."
    ~ Jay Deacon

    Lisa | 3:12 PM



    Yesterday I was sitting at the stoplight just waiting for my car to explode with me inside it. I could feel it coming. I could hear it coming... Well, I'm not dead yet, but just you wait.

    "I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I might have."
    ~ Abraham Lincoln

    Lisa | 3:43 PM





    The guy at Suncoast didn't know what Donnie Darko was. Blasphemy.

    Lisa | 4:36 PM



    a picture says a thousand words


    Lisa | 4:56 PM




    Monday, October 20, 2003


    i want this ring or this ring.
    i can just picture the look on the face of the kid sitting next to me when he notices it. *grin*

    go here today.

    Lisa | 7:47



    I saw that minivan again today. The one with the "WUT EVA" license plate and the "I *heart* Pilates" bumper sticker. Too funny.

    My faith in life has been restored (for the time being). I had the whole house to myself this morning and it was nice to sit on the porch in the swing-a-ding-ding and drink my coffee and not really care about anything except for where are all the fucking bugs coming from?

    I came home from work with a head full of ideas for my campaign posters. I sent a few ideas to some friends via email in hopes of getting some feedback. I'll probably post them once they're finished. I aimed for humor and as we all know, I'm a magnificent archer. Even ask my old gym teacher.

    My dad's birthday is coming up and I don't know whether I should buy him a new coffee pot or just get him a card. I got a card from him for my 18th birthday. It said, "Happy Birthday. Your present is coming later." I never did get a present. My brother got a brand-new car. But that's not really important, I guess.

    Colin came home from Los Angeles this weekend and he was supposed to see me, but he never returned my call. I was even going to take him out to dinner. Oh well. It'll give me more time to read that book I borrowed from him.

    I found a cocklebur stuck to the bottom of my jeans. *sigh* It's been too long...


    Lisa | 7:56 PM




    three of many ideas for campaign posters...
    one
    two
    three

    Lisa | 9:21 PM




    Tuesday, October 21, 2003


    to allibar
    the royal tenenbaums = another good movie
    (click it)

    Lisa | 12:20 AM




    Thursday, October 23, 2003


    things i found out today:
    haircuts make me happy
    high maintenance ones do not
    too many sweets will give me cavities
    too many cigarettes will give me throat cancer
    too much sushi makes me sick
    too much sex makes me tired

    Lisa | 12:44 am




    Friday, October 24, 2003


    [ripoff]
    "We've all lost our children. It's like the children of America are dead to us. Just look at them, for God's sake -- violent on the streets, comatose in the malls, narcotized in front of the TV. In my lifetime something terrible happened that took our children away from us. I don't know if it was the Vietnam war, or the sexual colonization of kids by industry, or drugs, or TV, or divorce, or what the hell it was; I don't know which are causes and which are effects; but the children are gone, that I know. So that trying to protect them is little more than an elaborate exercise in denial. Religious fanatics and superpatriots, they try to protect their kids by turning them into schizophrenics; Episcopalians and High Church Jews gratefully abandon their kids to boarding schools and divorce one another so they can get laid with impunity; the middle class grabs what it can buy and passes it on, like poisoned candy on Halloween; and meanwhile the inner-city blacks and poor whites in the boonies sell their souls with longing for what's killing everyone else's kids and wonder why theirs are on crack. It's too late; they're gone; we're what's left." - Russell Banks, "The Sweet Hereafter"
    [/ripoff]

    Lisa | 4:04 PM





    Saturday, October 25, 2003


    i used to be a wonderful writer. what happened? even my guidance counselor would read my journal and compliment my writing. when she wasn't looking for subtle hints of suicidal thoughts. counselors live for that shit.

    i drove down to lincoln the other night to go to club energy with some friends. it was college night, but what we didn't know was that it was 19 and older. of course i was the only 18-year-old in the group. it's not fair. you can be 18 and be a college student. jerks. talia was nice enough to spend a couple hours with me while everyone else went in the club. afterwards we went to pick up our friends. all the bars let out at 1 am, so we met a bajillion people in the street looking for after-hours parties. at one guy's house, i got to play with his pet snake. normally i'm not a snake-person, but this one was pretty calm. spent the night at some girl's apartment and drove home to omaha in the morning. i felt pretty good that day because the guy at Quizno's hit on me. whoo hoo.

    i can't go to the Blue October concert tonight because the show sold out and the people at the Music Box were never there to sell me tickets. blah. silver lining is the party's still on. it starts at ten and drinks are free so anyone who wants to come, give me a call.

    i finally cleaned my room! i didn't think it could be done, but i can walk all the way to the other side without tripping. huzzah!

    Lisa | 2:14 pm




    Monday, October 27, 2003


    something positive

    all i'm saying is that if a guy tells me i can't possibly stick crazy straw all the way up his smallest orifice, that's a challenge and i'm honor bound to accept!

    Lisa | 8:04 pm


    Tuesday, October 28, 2003


    Don't have a cow, man. Give one instead.

    Heifer International

    Lisa | 1:06 PM


    Wednesday, October 29, 2003


    [music| ben folds five, something corporate, dave matthews band]

    this week is national collegiate alcohol awareness week. how has alcohol impacted improved your life?

    today i got an email from anti. that was the last thing i expected. i suppose i figured he never even knew i existed. it's amazing how you feel like you know someone so well just by reading their thoughts. he reminds me a lot of seth sometimes. i read about his life every day and i reminsce of my own adventures in california and dream about the life i wish i was living. not this one.

    i came to a realization the other day as i was zoning out in anthropology class. however, i took down notes quite vigorously in spite of my daydream. i hate when people ask to borrow my notes because they never return them and i doubt they could ever read them anyway. after all the lectures i've been given i've developed my own sort of shorthand that isn't terribly difficult to figure out, but it's always the stupid people who ask to borrow notes so i don't bother to give them the benefit of the doubt. back to my epiphany... i decided i will end up being a dentist because it's a lucrative profession that i enjoy most days (this morning we had a bleeder - it was pretty cool) and i don't think i really have the ambition or motivation to do anything else. i saw a sign in the journalism lab that said "help! i'm a journalism major but i don't want to be a journalist." yeah, i decided i don't want to be some lame-ass reporter for the omaha world herald. i enjoy freelance writing, but i hate going out of my way to contact sources and get information. so this sign had a little thing you could tear off and guess what i did? i tore it off. yeah yeah. it had some information about advertising which i contemplated for awhile because i've always been involved in publicity and marketing and shit, but i don't think i wanna do that the rest of my life either. so i'm going to be a dentist. i'll be my own boss doing my thang down in the ghetto offering low-cost services to anyone who wants 'em. after california i fell in love with the hispanic culture and if seth moves here he'll most likely end up living down in south o (little mexico) so it all works out. at least, in my head. what sucks is that creightion offers african studies and black studies and western european studies and everything else except hispanic/latino studies. bitches. wish me luck. i'll be making money someday...somewhere...somehow...i hope.

    i attended a lecture about the SOA and why it should closed and it was all old news to me but i went anyway. it reminded me of ms. davies. i wonder how she's doing over there in nepal. she's the first person that really got me into justice and peace and after she left i sort of just dropped it for awhile. i'm not making any pilgrammages to ft. benning this november though. there was a guy who just returned to creighton this semester after spending six months in jail for crossing the line down at the protest. he had this crazy long goatee. he was sitting next to this fugly chick who had the most annoying aura about her and i hated that she sat in front of me because she had this kind of hair that was not made to be worn down. peaceniks tend to get really excited over the tiniest things. that's one thing i don't miss about it.

    i met a cute guy named hank today. i was just sitting there tokin up when he came by and said hello. word has it he's a vegan. word also has it that his ex-roommate peed on him twice while he was drunk. not kosher, or as candi would say, not down with the jews. ha, the jews. we learn about jews in my christianity class. and native americans and hawaiians and muslims and every other religion but christianity. i find it amusing. we still get stuck studying the bible though. i've been over that shit so many times in the last thirteen years i'm starting to get sick of it. minus the starting to.

    i came home at four in the morning last night. yeah, my dad was pissed. i totally meant to be home around ten thirty but i of course have no self control and ended up having sex three times. first time with handcuffs and a cock ring. very interesting....

    quote of last night:
    gecko: "have you been smoking? your fingers smell like it."
    me: "hmm, and by the smell of your hands i can tell you've been fingering your asshole again."

    Lisa | 6:41 pm




    comment responses

    to gina - what happened to not adding another blog to the ten bajillion you already have? and what have i told you about advertising? no sweat though. just let me know when to come over and i'll help you set it up. and if you're bisexual, why are my nakie pics making you blush? they make me horny.

    to anti - that is a guy who knows just whom he is talking to. most girls don't enjoy giving head, and that is one reason why this world is such a sad, sad place.

    funny story -
    a girl who shall remain anonymous was telling me about how she thought the idea of a guy cumming in her mouth was disgusting so i suggested she just have the guy tell her when he's about to cum and then have him roll over.
    the girl: "they can tell?"
    the rest of the party: BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
    don't feel bad chica. i don't think i really figured that out until i started giving head anyway.
    sex is not evil.

    Lisa | 6:57 pm




    Thursday, October 30, 2003


    Goddess


    Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman Are You?

    Lisa | 8:17 am




    comment responses

    to ps - candi's not a biggot. she's one of the least prejudiced people i've ever met. if something's not kosher, is does in fact mean that it doesn't adhere to jewish dietary laws. so why the animosity? just because you refer to a religion in a general sense doesn't mean that you're putting them down. i think anytime anyone mentions the word "jew" these days there's always some negative conntation that runs along with it. same with muslims. if i walked around saying "down with the christians" would you be calling me a fucking biggot? yeah, didn't think so. by the way, you're banned....bitch.
    p.s. who's to say i wasn't having sex with seth? this is not "office space" so pack away your jump to conclusions mat for another day.

    to jankie - my grades aren't down. they're sort of just there. midterms were mostly b's, but i plan on bringing them up to save my scholarship. i'm taking harder classes next semester (for the most part) so i'm thinking that all the busy work will prompt me to excel. it's so hard to force yourself to study when there's so much free time!

    Lisa | 5:15 pm




    friday: halloween party. going as blue fairy
    saturday: cleaning day. if i don't do it right this time i'm going to be fired. family portrait at dad's church. possible frat party.
    sunday: sean is making me spaghetti.

    today: class cancelled. made more formal campaign posters. my "team" will post them. caramel apples with coconut in the dining hall. patient brought me halloween goodies. pay day. went to boring ass lecture with talia. fell asleep. bonded with brother over my book collection. need a fucking shower.

    Lisa | 9:12 pm




    Friday, October 31, 2003


    i received a link to an online journal the other day. rather, it is the posting of letters sent home to her family. ms. molly davies, my former social justice teacher, left us this summer to go teach in nepal. now she is a peacenik indeead, and i look up to her with a great deal of admiration. she has taught me so much, whether she knows it or not, and from my experiences with her i have discovered a great deal about myself. i always wanted to thank her for making me write that paper on just war theory because the knowledge has come in handy so many times since. i only read a paragraph of one of her letters before making this entry, and i can already tell that her living situation is most dangerous. it seems so surreal to read her letters from overseas. they've a more passive tone, whereas i always felt a little intimidated when she spoke to me. not only because she was so tall, but also because of her intelligence. i believe she attended harvard as well as boston college. there's so much i could say about ms. davies but i really haven't the time. to former mercians, go read her letters and get a taste of her new life. and hope that she remains forever happy and safe.

    Lisa | 9:19 am




    Thursday, October 2, 2003


    so i guess this is my secret blog where i spew out how things really are.

    so what is there to tell? i called up my fuck buddy yesterday and greeted him with "hey, guess who's not pregnant?!" yeah, that's right -- i cheated on my boyfriend six or seven times with a radio dj who can buy me alcohol. we've become really good friends, although it looks as though he's stood me up for the movies tonight. the fucker screens his calls. i hate that shit. to make myself feel better, i smoked a nice, expensive menthol cigarette and started a new blog. i have way too many websites to be considered sane anymore. being on my period has given me the shits. or maybe is was that greasy slice of pepperoni from pizza slut. either way, it's stinky. i guess it's good i'm not going to the movies after all.

    oh yeah. if i ever find out who took a baseball bat to my car, they're gonna end up mummified in duct tape like that poor nine-year-old kid who was simply caught stealing cookies from his kitchen. fuckin' child abusers. they make me sick.

    Lisa | 8:55 pm




    october 2003 archives



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